Saturday, January 16, 2010

An Introduction to the MBS model

I have always found it valuable to see the world through various mental models. In essence this is what education does for us; teaches us to see patterns in the world around us. Regardless of the discipline the student learns to see the world around them through certain patters, or mental models, in order to make order out of chaos and through that order make positive improvements in society or our personal lives. For example, one who studies history begins to see certain patterns in the rise and fall of civilizations, a student of music can recognize sounds by classifying certain notes and patters, a business student sees patterns and models in business, psychiatrists, sociologists, etc. I do love education. So it makes sense that someone like me would adopt some model to apply in the world of dating.

Dating is such an arduous task for me. I do enjoy meeting new people, however there is something different about dating that is challenging. How do you find the right person? What qualities am I looking for? Oh, I can list them out as we must on dating websites, but the crux of the matter is that lists simply don't capture all that we may find desirable. Someone who we think may be compatible by their bio often isn't because the bio can't explain the soul, who they are. I therefore created a model that was probably used by billions of people in Asia before I was born, but it is unique thought to me and I feel quite good about it. My friend down in the Los Angeles whom I shared this with calls it the MBS model, which stands for Mind, Body, and Spirit. Allow me to describe; our lives are comprised of three basic elements:
  1. Mind - this is the mental self. What kind of education do we have, the desire to continuously learn.
  2. Body - this is their physical body. Is there a desire to improve ourselves physically What kinds of activities? Are the activities more of a social event or are they geared at actually improving the physical self. Is this something that is innate within us or do we simply exercise to meet a mate. Dietary habits are part of this as well. Anything that directly affects the body belongs in this category.
  3. Spirit - this is the spiritual self. I took a gander at the dictionary and it wasn't very much help in clearly defining this term. I define this as one who seeks peace with themselves and the world around them. A spiritual person does not necessarily mean a religious person. Religion is a means to spirituality and one's spirituality can dictate their chosen religion, but they are quite different. Most of this blog will focus on this area because it is this area in life that is so often challenging for people. There are a great many religious people, but far fewer truly spiritual people.
To use this model it is important that we honestly assess ourselves. How do we rank in each of these areas? Do we seek education in various areas or are we plugged into the television set continuously? Do we try to eat healthy or is our favorite dining at Taco Bell? Do we try to understand the world around us or do we simply watch Fox News and find peace blaming our current circumstance in life on the liberals or terrorists? Most importantly, is there balance between the entities? For if we are out of balance then we cannot be truly at peace.

This model is fairly simply to apply when evaluating others. A simple comparison to see how the other person compares is usually sufficient. The problem, however, is in application. This is a deeply personal matter that is individually tailored to where we are in life and even where we are in dating. For example, I recently met someone whom I find attractive physically and spiritually. Physical compatibility was one of my key requirements, however I am finding that the spiritual connection is what is most important. I am not certain if this is something that just at this point in my life or if it is something that is longer term, however my comfort is here. Perhaps it is because for me I am not able to share my life with someone and it creates a bit of discomfort. That discomfort creates an emphasis on the spiritual side. As comfort is regained will more emphasis be placed upon other components? Perhaps. I think many other members of my gender may have desires that don't include a walk, watching a sunset or sunrise from atop the mountains, or a simple Sunday drive. For any guy readers out there I like intimacy as much as the next guy, however for me I see intimacy as more of an expression instead of a simple satisfaction of carnal desires.

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