Sunday, April 4, 2010

A Breakup - So to Speak

It is difficult to categorically address the nature of man in general, because we are all a bit different (thank God).  However I suspect that we, women included, operate on a scale between adhering to a moral law of conduct and adhering to our own personal desires.   I know I have written much about the law, however I do believe that nature and man operate within certain structures.  I believe that man can find a certain peace within those natural laws.  It is when we live outside of those laws where the danger lies.  However, those laws can be quite strict and some flexibility and allowance for failure must be allowed, for this is how we learn to love the law, to find peace within it.  And we find that those who tend to be elders follow a moral code of conduct because it is the natural order of things.

I was recently in the early stages of a relationship with someone.  By all accounts this person was an ideal companion for me; successful in her career, artistic in many areas, athletic, intelligent, family oriented, loved the outdoors, etc.  The list of similarities seemed almost endless.  However, the one area that we had differences in was within the spiritual side.  Spirituality encompasses quite a bit and it is the most difficult to explain or tackle in a relationship.  After this wonderful experience I have found that it is probably the most important component.  Not that someone needs to belong to the same faith, but that we see faith and virtue in the same perspective.  This person was quite a nice person, however she operated on the notion that people do what they want.  She somewhat rebelled against the rules that governs us.  Unfortunately these rules permeate our lives whether we acknowledge their existence or not.  I felt that I was being pushed into doing what felt good in the relationship instead of what the right thing was.

My understanding of this concept came after dates with a couple of other people.  One in particular had a fairly strong personal compass on the laws of nature.  She too somewhat rebelled against her strict religious upbringing, but realized that danger lies outside of that moral conduct.  The danger lied in her emotional well being.  She realized that once deep intimacy is obtained that there is some kind of emotional connection.  A personal relationship begins to take form and thus the opportunity to be hurt if the other person doesn’t share the same feelings.  So, despite her personal desire for sex, she avoided it for self preservation.  As we violate moral laws we expose ourselves to the possibility of emotional discomfort if relationships do not last.  In religious circles we tend to focus on the physical reasons for not having sex, such as pregnancy and spreading of diseases, but there is emotional safety as well.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) we have a desire for physical intimacy which can often supersede any logical notion of self-preservation.  So there we must find some kind of balance between the "ying" of moral conduct and the "yang" of having some kind of intimicy.

So, back to this person I was dating.  As our time progressed I began to realize the depth the relationship was heading and I suggested that we maintain or establish boundaries in one form or another.  Unfortunately these concepts were not recognized as being valuable to the relationship.  In a couple instances when I attempted to establish boundaries the perception she had was that I was trying to “break up” or limit my relationship with her and thus a heavy degree of emotion ensued.  This wasn’t necessarily the case, it is just that I wanted some boundaries so that we could get to know each other without distraction from sex.

So, with this person, I had to break the relationship off.  If at some time in the future we want to give it a go again, we can do so at a pace that is more to my comfort.

Another quite fascinating concept that I am learning is that the whole MBS model makes sense from a logical standpoint, but in reality it may not make much sense at all.  There is a whole concept of “chemistry” which it doesn’t encompass.  “Chemistry” is something that is difficult to quantify and it encompasses so much.  It is the way someone walks, they way they hold their head when they speak, their sense of humor, their smell, or perhaps a smile.  Perhaps the “chemistry” between two people lies in that one of the individuals doesn’t like to smile and the other finds joy in the effort in eliciting that wonderful display of happiness.  Perhaps that “chemistry” lies in some kind of self-discovery.  I find dating incredibly confusing.  The more I try to make sense of it, the more I become confused.  Simply understanding what I want is difficult in itself, but finding someone who meets those criteria is even more difficult.  I suspect that the best course of action, perhaps, is to simply date as many people as possible.  Not to have sex with all of them mind you, but simply date them.  Whomever I am with will change the course of the rest of my life.  They can help bring me closer to finding peace within myself and my God, or distance me further from that.

That is it for now, my bus ride is about to end.

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